Cast and Carry

It was when I got my fourth “3” in college – that was my very first slowmo in life…  I was a DOST Scholar. Without it, I, nor my parents, couldn’t afford me going to any university, even if it was public. We couldn’t even afford my daily expenses. Back in high school, I knew I had to work hard so we won’t continue to live in poverty. I was so afraid of staying poor. It was hard. But there’s always this hope in me that after college, I could get a good-paying job and buy the things I want for myself and for my family. I did work hard. I studied so hard, I really did, I swear I did. I went to places, and I was the best in Math in our class. I even got to join a TV academic contest (Digital LG Quiz) – I didn’t win though LOLs. And again, I swear I did my best. I had to stay late in the library because we couldn’t afford to buy books or a computer. My mom would always scold me for going home late which is normal for parents, and I had to endure that because I wanted to be better. I wan...

(My call center journey series…) June 25, 2019 … I quit! After 12 years of working in a call center, finally... Yes, I am resigning. I just have to render for 30 days, then it's over. Oh no, don't get me wrong. I love my job here. But I have my reasons... Let me tell you how it all started… God gave this to me. Yes. I remember more than 12 years ago, I was walking along Ortigas, trying to find companies where I could submit my resumes to. I printed more than ten resumes so I must be very careful in choosing to which company should I submit them because I spent 5php per page for colored printing. We didn’t have printer back then, no computer, we had typewriter though. Anyway, so I was wearing a black blazer under the heat of the sun, which was very uncomfy, yet, Nanay said that I should wear that to get a job. Nanay … Yeah, Nanay . I did not trust "me". I didn’t think I could do it. Nanay believed in me. So I prayed for God to give me that job....

Jesus has been pursuing me and it was the year 2013 when I started to see things differently by His grace… and this is how I want to start my journey with Tatay … Tatay is not perfect. He lies – he lied so I wouldn’t see how bad life is. He steals – he stole in his will to give me a better life. He murders – he murdered so he could be with me in every opportunity he gets – he died to himself and did a lot of things that displeased him so he could please me. My father was selfless. He had lied so many times about how poor we were, he tried so hard to make me feel that he was strong and with him, all things could be possible. He was a murderer in a way that he didn’t care about what would bring him pain or suffering for as long as he could spend time with me at least once a month when he was still alive. My father was selfless, and I wish I could be like him. But I… I was selfish. When I wanted to see him, I would message him and would force him to meet me all the way from Laguna ...

The Father of the fatherless is He, according to Psalm 68:5. It was around October 2013 when I first heard the correct gospel. I have been so passionate about serving Jesus. I used to not understand the meaning of being changed from the inside out until it happened to me. The chain smoker, heavy drinker, adulterer “Arby” was gone. I was made new. As I’ve come to know more about Jesus, I always knew there’s more to Christianity, though. I know there would be sufferings, there would be trials, I will be tested. Sometimes I would plead God to be gentle with me. Sometimes I would tell God to take me deeper, to give me a chance to choose Him over anything in the world. Sometimes my faith is strong, most of the time, my faith is weak. Year over year, God has been gracious to me. He allowed my sister and my mother to have a deep relationship with Jesus, too. He also touches the heart of my brother and his partner to go with us every now and then at Sunday service together with their kid...

As I was writing this, I was staring at a bear can – full of love letters. It’s been a while, I still can remember me collecting stationery and choosing the best design for a very special person in my life. I remember the days when cellular phones were not yet so in , and all we had was a landline. I remember spending hours daily with her. I remember those times when Uber and Grabcar haven’t existed yet, and all we had was jeepney. I remember those days … when life was simple yet hard. Yes, love letters. My heart was pounding whenever I receive a love letter from her. I can’t remember the day and time, but I clearly remember the very moment when I proposed to her – if she could be my best friend forever… I wrote her a letter… It took a day before I received her answer, a common friend of ours handed over a sheet of paper – that was not the first letter that I got from her, but that was the first time that I couldn’t open it without praying first. Oh God, what if she said ‘no’? I was...

I'm gonna tell you a story of me and a girl whom I proposed to when we were in high school... I grew up in a poor family. Sometimes we ate only twice a day. I remember our breakfast was just one order of palabok we bought from Aling Charing's karinderya worth 10php, then Nanay would divide it to four of us - me, my two brothers, and her; hers was the smallest portion. Sometimes Tatay would buy us kiddo , a biscuit worth 1php each. We'll get 2 kiddos for breakfast. For lunch we'll buy Menudo from Aling Charing , it was so malasa so one order worth 12php was enough for the family. There were times we ate only fried rice, no viand. In elementary, we went to school having 5php as our baon . We had the option to eat flying saucer (egg sandwich) or buy soft drinks - both cost 5php. I didn't want to bring my water jug in school because it isn't spill-proof and it always caused a mess under my table which I was very ashamed of. I used to b...

Jesus, Lover of my soul... Obviously, Jesus loves me. With everything that happened in the year 2017, this statement is unquestionable. Early yesterday morning, I got up and went to Sunday service with my sister, Beging. Prayer time, I had a chance to talk to God about my future. I begged my Lord to please remove the desires in my heart that aren't pleasing to Him. Not that I wasn't praying prior to that day. It's just that for that particular moment, that was my focus prayer. During praise and worship, every lyrics broke my heart. I sang, out loud, even if the songs were unfamiliar. My life as a follower of Jesus isn't perfect. There are times that I would really ask Him for things that I want even if they won't bring advancement to the Gospel. There are times that I would really be stubborn and tell God to just let me be and refused to be comforted. There are times that I and my King are not in good terms. There are many times that I break His heart. There...

“Only the lost can be found,” they said. God found me. We have a bond nothing can break. What about the others? Those still wandering. Heart check --- do I really care? I can only imagine how people around Jesus reacted, yet it didn’t hinder Him from getting along with ‘tax collectors’. I want to have a heart as that of Jesus, not in bondage of people’s approval. In my sphere of influence, there are those considered ‘sinners’. Although we all are but like the Pharisees, the society labeled them as ‘immoral’. At work, we have proud adulterers, thief, cheaters, gossipers, women become pregnant before marriage and they call it ‘love’, marijuana user --- name the worst sin you could ever imagine, it surely is present in our office. I mourn for them, but I have to be honest. Not 100% at a time I want to be with them sharing Jesus. Sometimes I want to flee for several reasons: I fear rejection, I’m too busy with other stuff, lastly and I think the worst is, I don’t want to befr...

Over the past 24 hours, I experienced humanity's ups and downs.... I am a witness of The Story in present times as it is related to the stories of creation and fall. When my mom had to dig the soil in order to get ginger for our meal; when we had to turn on all electric fans yesterday due to humid; when most of the fruits on our table were rotten; when astray cats and dogs fight over our leftovers; indeed, creation is cursed. Yet this morning, my mom needed not to water her plants because it rained; I love the weather, it's cold that I could rest; I ate fruits for breakfast and lunch which is good for my health; astray dogs and cats are playing like they're friends under the rain - I named them all and I can recite them; and indeed, the creation is beautiful still.... When I woke up this morning, I received a message from one of my subordinates telling me that she should be receiving a reward for being on top. I am on leave so I had to speak to my manager to find out ...

I like this, "command was an opportunity to trust God, obey God." We can't tell someone is obedient if there is no command to obey. How does this connect with "the Fall". Eve's decision to listen to the serpent and Adam's willful act of conniving with his wife separated the whole humanity to God. And separation from God is "death". The Fall clearly defines 'sin' as great chasm between God and humanity. At present times, sin is classified as to either small or big, either deadly or not. Sin is sin no matter what. Even simple idleness is sin. I wonder what Eve and Adam were doing and how come the serpent had his chance of speaking to them. They should be busy caring for the garden. However, I have no means of proving myself right that indeed they were idle that's why Satan had his foothold. But I strongly believe that we should make our time worthy of God's trust with the tasks He appointed us. That way, satan won't h...

How do I image God and obey His command by governing the world...? This question changed my perspective of me being God's care taker of His creation. I am more than a care taker! I am a ruler. There was a big difference. It may seem like a simple question, yet I find it hard to answer. It says in this Unit, " God’s rule is a rule of provision, protection, peace, joy, freedom and love. " That was huge. " Work is godly because it is god-like. " And I was puzzled --- working is ruling? And I realized, yes. God gave me my job, God asked me to take care of my job, and to care for God's provision is to rule. So let me summarize my answer on this. I would say that I image God and practice obedience by making sure that I am a good steward of His financial blessings, that I live out my salvation by the power of the Holy Spirit, that I am a peacemaker, that I will anchor my joy in Christ and Christ alone and not on temporal things, that I won't take adva...

God is due our praise and worship - this is clear and indisputable. Yet, when David spoke about "vows", I had to pause in verse one and started thinking. "Praise awaits you, our God, in Zion; to you our vows will be fulfilled." What vows have I made for God? Was I able to fulfill them? I also had to search the difference between 'vow' and 'swear'. " To swear is to make an oath - usually based on an appeal to God or to some revered person or object, that someone will do some particular thing -- like speak the truth, perform a particular act, keep a promise, etc. A vow is a solemn promise made to the Lord. It usually involves dedicating oneself or some possession to an act, service, or way of life. " - (source: http://www.learnthebible.org ) And yes, I dedicated my time to Him, my job, my family, my future, basically my whole life, my earnings, I want to serve Him, I want to live for Him, I will serve His people through ministries, ...

With my years of serving Jesus, this is the 3 rd time that I attended a True Life retreat in CCF. God never failed to amaze me… I remember it was November 2013 when I publicly declared my faith in God in AUX True Life retreat. It felt great. By that time, I have already quit drinking and smoking, which I tried several times with my own strength but I failed. When my DGroup started to pray about it, in an instant, the addiction that I was enslaved with for more than 5 years disappeared by God’s grace. No withdrawal syndrome, I didn’t get sick, no negative effect on me. God is indeed good. So again, yeah almost 3 years ago when I got baptized. It was Pep Santos, the head of Morning Light – BPO Ministry in CCF Eastwood, who baptized me. I remember one of the three questions was if I have ALREADY accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. He didn’t ask if I would like to, and so I said YES because in my heart, I knew I did. Couple of days before that, we had a DGroup meet...

I had my 1st boyfriend when i was in 1st year high school. It lasted for only a month. And after that, it became my hobby to jump in and out of relationships to the point that i can no longer remember the number of boys that I’ve hurt intentionally. Having a guy beside me made me feel secured and beautiful. October 2005, i was diagnosed with dengue. Also early that year when i learned to smoke and drink alcohol. After few days in the hospital, the doctor told my family that my body was no longer responding to medications and blood transfusions. My family had to accept the fact that i will soon die. I could not remember all that happened because most of the times i was unconscious but the face of my tatay crying in ICU is very clear to me. So as my nanay's prayer, and how she uttered every word while crying. Morning after the doctor told my family about my condition, i got up, ate taho and my platelets count started to return to normal. I was not yet a believer that time but i...