Cast and Carry

It was when I got my fourth “3” in college – that was my very first slowmo in life…  I was a DOST Scholar. Without it, I, nor my parents, couldn’t afford me going to any university, even if it was public. We couldn’t even afford my daily expenses. Back in high school, I knew I had to work hard so we won’t continue to live in poverty. I was so afraid of staying poor. It was hard. But there’s always this hope in me that after college, I could get a good-paying job and buy the things I want for myself and for my family. I did work hard. I studied so hard, I really did, I swear I did. I went to places, and I was the best in Math in our class. I even got to join a TV academic contest (Digital LG Quiz) – I didn’t win though LOLs. And again, I swear I did my best. I had to stay late in the library because we couldn’t afford to buy books or a computer. My mom would always scold me for going home late which is normal for parents, and I had to endure that because I wanted to be better. I wan...

 Am I drifting away? If you are a believer of Jesus, you may have asked this question to yourself at least once in your Christian life. If you haven't, oh well I have... Wasn't easy to have felt that way... I had to check, recheck, and recheck again my heart --- analyze my thoughts, my ways, how I think, how I respond, my feelings ... have done all those stuff... I had to watch several theologians about --- I don't even have a term to this season...  I like the title of John Piper's book, " When I don't desire God " ... and yes, I should fight for joy. But how? As per John MacArthur, if you doubt your salvation, then probably you're really not saved at all! Oh, that hurts. Was I not saved? Was I "self-deceived"? I don't want to believe that. But MacArthur said, too, it's better to know now than feel good and not know --- there'll be an eternal consequence.  Piper also said, stop analyzing ... and look at the finished work of Chris...

Minsan may mga bagay na di na pwede. Ah well actually, madalas. May mga bagay tayong gusto pang gawin pero imposible na. Wala nang pagkakataon kase, basta lang. Di natin lagi kontrolado ang sitwasyon. Sabi nila sakin, makaka move on din daw ako. One day daw, wala na yung pain. Puro happy memories na lang daw yun maalala ko. Sabi nila... Di ko na nga lang natatanong lagi if, kelan ba yun? 1 year? 2 years? 3? 4? Malamang hindi isang taon kasi, masakit pa. Baka hindi rin 2 years, ewan ko lang. Malalaman natin sa July... Gaano kaya katagal noh? Dami ko pa gusto gawin. Dami ko pa plano. Pero alam ko naman na God's plan is way better than mine. Gusto ko kasi sana nun, magpunta rin kami Baguio. Tapos I was waiting nun na magkaron ng Tagalog na True Life retreat sa CCF (church) kasi dadalin ko sya. Gusto ko sana andun ako and ma-witness ko yung baptism nya. Gusto ko makita syang nag ddgroup nun. Marami pa kong gusto eh. Pero, di naman sya sakin. Kay Lord sya. Pano ko ba ieexpla...