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I'm not drifting away...

 Am I drifting away? If you are a believer of Jesus, you may have asked this question to yourself at least once in your Christian life. If you haven't, oh well I have... Wasn't easy to have felt that way... I had to check, recheck, and recheck again my heart --- analyze my thoughts, my ways, how I think, how I respond, my feelings ... have done all those stuff... I had to watch several theologians about --- I don't even have a term to this season... 


I like the title of John Piper's book, "When I don't desire God" ... and yes, I should fight for joy. But how?


As per John MacArthur, if you doubt your salvation, then probably you're really not saved at all! Oh, that hurts. Was I not saved? Was I "self-deceived"? I don't want to believe that. But MacArthur said, too, it's better to know now than feel good and not know --- there'll be an eternal consequence. 


Piper also said, stop analyzing ... and look at the finished work of Christ at the cross. That there will always be that question if we look at our hearts. There will always be doubt.


I was confused. I kept looking for answers, simply because I've been sad for quite a long time already. I felt like the joy of salvation has been taken away from me. I know I am saved. But joy no longer overflows... 


Then I realized, I should stop searching for answers on YouTube or Google. I was reminded by a friend, a teacher, Saldy Zulvita. he once said that the first thing I must do is open my Bible and observe. Before I go to other sites or books or people for reference, I should read the Bible first hand. Oh, I've been reading the Bible daily, but I am not reading it quite right, I guess...


I still don't know the reason for my sadness, but just today, I felt the joy again. I still have it as I write this blog. I've been sad for a few months for no reason. But I'm not drifting away. My faith is anchored on Jesus. He promised that He will never leave me. Things may not go well, but Jesus is with me every step of the way. And knowing full well that God is the God who comforts, I know that He's the One who comforted me today. I am saved, I am okay, and I am a daughter of the King. To that I rejoice. 


God is sovereign. When things are low, God is sovereign still.

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