My 1st Day of 2018

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Jesus, Lover of my soul...

Obviously, Jesus loves me. With everything that happened in the year 2017, this statement is unquestionable.

Early yesterday morning, I got up and went to Sunday service with my sister, Beging. Prayer time, I had a chance to talk to God about my future. I begged my Lord to please remove the desires in my heart that aren't pleasing to Him. Not that I wasn't praying prior to that day. It's just that for that particular moment, that was my focus prayer.

During praise and worship, every lyrics broke my heart. I sang, out loud, even if the songs were unfamiliar.

My life as a follower of Jesus isn't perfect. There are times that I would really ask Him for things that I want even if they won't bring advancement to the Gospel. There are times that I would really be stubborn and tell God to just let me be and refused to be comforted. There are times that I and my King are not in good terms. There are many times that I break His heart. There are many times that me saying I love Jesus contradicts the way I live my life. There are also times that I want Him more than anything. There are times that I want Him only and nothing else. There are times that I tell Him that I can lose everything except Him. Sometimes I ask Him to give me a chance to prove my love for Him. Sometimes I ask Him to give me a chance to choose between an idol and Him, so I can choose Him and make Him smile. Yet there are times that He would give me that chance but I would fail. Yet there are opportunities to prove my love for Him but I would miss.

A lot of times I want to make Him happy but I ended up disappointing Him... And this keeps happening over and over.

I know that I got nothing to add to the cross to save my soul - NOTHING. I am fully aware of that. But I want to make my Jesus smile...

So today, January 1, 2018 --- I'll go back to basics ... I'll make it a priority to make my Jesus happy. I know it's hard, but God is faithful and I believe that He will enable me.

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