Cast and Carry

Jesus has been pursuing me and it was the year 2013 when I started to see things differently by His grace… and this is how I want to start my journey with Tatay … Tatay is not perfect. He lies – he lied so I wouldn’t see how bad life is. He steals – he stole in his will to give me a better life. He murders – he murdered so he could be with me in every opportunity he gets – he died to himself and did a lot of things that displeased him so he could please me. My father was selfless. He had lied so many times about how poor we were, he tried so hard to make me feel that he was strong and with him, all things could be possible. He was a murderer in a way that he didn’t care about what would bring him pain or suffering for as long as he could spend time with me at least once a month when he was still alive. My father was selfless, and I wish I could be like him. But I… I was selfish. When I wanted to see him, I would message him and would force him to meet me all the way from Laguna ...

The Father of the fatherless is He, according to Psalm 68:5. It was around October 2013 when I first heard the correct gospel. I have been so passionate about serving Jesus. I used to not understand the meaning of being changed from the inside out until it happened to me. The chain smoker, heavy drinker, adulterer “Arby” was gone. I was made new. As I’ve come to know more about Jesus, I always knew there’s more to Christianity, though. I know there would be sufferings, there would be trials, I will be tested. Sometimes I would plead God to be gentle with me. Sometimes I would tell God to take me deeper, to give me a chance to choose Him over anything in the world. Sometimes my faith is strong, most of the time, my faith is weak. Year over year, God has been gracious to me. He allowed my sister and my mother to have a deep relationship with Jesus, too. He also touches the heart of my brother and his partner to go with us every now and then at Sunday service together with their kid...

As I was writing this, I was staring at a bear can – full of love letters. It’s been a while, I still can remember me collecting stationery and choosing the best design for a very special person in my life. I remember the days when cellular phones were not yet so in , and all we had was a landline. I remember spending hours daily with her. I remember those times when Uber and Grabcar haven’t existed yet, and all we had was jeepney. I remember those days … when life was simple yet hard. Yes, love letters. My heart was pounding whenever I receive a love letter from her. I can’t remember the day and time, but I clearly remember the very moment when I proposed to her – if she could be my best friend forever… I wrote her a letter… It took a day before I received her answer, a common friend of ours handed over a sheet of paper – that was not the first letter that I got from her, but that was the first time that I couldn’t open it without praying first. Oh God, what if she said ‘no’? I was...

I'm gonna tell you a story of me and a girl whom I proposed to when we were in high school... I grew up in a poor family. Sometimes we ate only twice a day. I remember our breakfast was just one order of palabok we bought from Aling Charing's karinderya worth 10php, then Nanay would divide it to four of us - me, my two brothers, and her; hers was the smallest portion. Sometimes Tatay would buy us kiddo , a biscuit worth 1php each. We'll get 2 kiddos for breakfast. For lunch we'll buy Menudo from Aling Charing , it was so malasa so one order worth 12php was enough for the family. There were times we ate only fried rice, no viand. In elementary, we went to school having 5php as our baon . We had the option to eat flying saucer (egg sandwich) or buy soft drinks - both cost 5php. I didn't want to bring my water jug in school because it isn't spill-proof and it always caused a mess under my table which I was very ashamed of. I used to b...

Day 13: Tuesday, April 3 I'd say I was completely fine. It was like common tonsillitis. As Dr. Kirt guaranteed, this will be my last tonsillitis. I went to the Borough clinic for my follow up check-up. Dr. Kirt said all were good. Oh yeah, if you only knew Kirt for the past week haha! I was delighted to see him. I felt safe in his hands. God unquestionably picked this specialist for me. He asked me to come back in a month. As a submissive patient, I will. Guys, don't be scared. My experience may be different from yours. I have heard a lot of stories that didn't have to go through so much pain. Just follow the medication as prescribed by your pharmacist. I did not. I chose not to take a pain reliever during my first few days. I was wrong. I should have known that my doctor knows better. So if after 1st, 2nd or 3rd opinion you were told that tonsillectomy is a must, then it's a must. Don't be too dubious. Nevertheless, pray to God. He will grant you with...

Day 12: Monday, April 2 I woke up okay. The pain went down to 2/10. I ate nothing in the morning. I had to go to work. I promised my manager that I will be in the office tonight. I claimed my healing now - I knew Jesus would take good care of me. I ate Goodah Goto Classic for dinner. It was delicious, sooo yummy. A bowl of goto sustained me all throughout my shift. Jesus sustained me. I took Dolfenal, just 1 caplet. I missed work. Tomorrow, I will see Dr. Kirt for my follow up check-up. My shift would end by 6am. Today, things were almost normal... I thank the Lord.

Day 11: April 1, Sunday Around 1am, the pain was intolerable. I remember my Dolfenal, I must take at least one tonight. The pain was not mitigated immediately, I just prayed that this would be the last night that I had to go through this. Funny. I never thought pain would be so over me - oh tonsillectomy, you really got me! I set the alarm 4:30am, I needed to be in church by 8:30am. I didn't know what happened, but I just didn't hear the alarm. And yes, thank You Lord for the pain. It woke me up at 5:30am. I didn't want to be so reliant on drugs, yet I knew God created someone to make Dolfenal for me. Yes Lord, thank You for using human means to care for my health. To this day, I ate a lot! I had mushroom soup and mashed potato for lunch, then I had bimsu at Hobing for snacks, and ate Goto Classic at Goodah for dinner. All these, my throat bore. Thank You, Jesus. Today is resurrection Sunday. Today is the start of healing, I must claim. My friends Herald, Randy, U...