My Life was 180 deg Changed

My goal is not to boast, but to inspire; not for hypocrisy, but to glorify Thee. And yeah, I’ve already examined my heart before writing this blog. I’m overwhelmed and want to shout to the world how sovereign Jesus is, and how He changed my life 180 degrees.

First fasting ever in my life. Saturday morning, I was too excited --- to the extent that I became afraid of my real intent. I was anxious that my heart isn’t right. I was troubled that I had the wrong motive. I told my friend Carrieh about it. She comforted me and said that we will be led by Pastor Peter during the Fasting Week Introduction (we attended the 3PM service in CCF Main so it was Pastor Bong), and that we have this booklet as our guide. Sunday service came. During Praise & Worship, I felt how faithful God is with His promises. I reminisced and realized how blessed I am for getting to know Him --- but I want to know more, I want to learn more, I don’t want to be stagnant, I want to continue to pursue Jesus, I want our relationship to grow deeper, I want to listen to what He was really trying to tell me, I have a lot of questions.

I read the Prayer and Fasting booklet. I needed to choose something that I can’t live without … FOOD. But since I needed energy for work, I allowed myself to have atleast a banana or fruit shake before my shift.

Monday, I was ok. No hunger at all. Night watch was amazing. It felt unique praying for something I’ve never appreciated ever in my life --- the country and the government. God made me realize lot of things – I am fortunate for being here in the Philippines, I should practice hupotasso, I should contribute and start to vote, reason why God did not allow any of my family members to go abroad, and a lot more. And because God put me in a particular place, date and time, I gradually accepted Jesus as my personal God, King and Saviour. First day, God told me that I AM SAVED.

Tuesday, I started to crave, but instantly after praying, my craving started to melt like magic. I examined my heart, I kept praying that God would lead me to the right intention --- why was I doing this? My quiet time was longer. I prayed that I will continue to do this even after the fasting week. This time during our night watch, we prayed for the church. God made me think of how I came to know Him. It all started with the “inuman session”. During inuman, TL Pep invited me and Lhez to join Morning Light, and since I already said YES, I was forced to go. Yeah, I FORCED my feet to go to Morning Light. That wasn’t so me, not even a little. Before Morning Light came into my life, I was a total … I can’t even say the word. I wasn’t good, I was bad in the superlative form, lols. I drink almost everyday, I smoke more than 2 packs in just couple of hours, my family was the least of my priority, I was selfish, I was mean to people, I used to gossip, and a lot more. When I came to know God, He taught me 2 things --- love Him and love my neighbors. I started to attend Sunday service and now have my DGroup led by Saraah. And yes, I am not sinless, but I sin less and learned to confess. Second day, God told me that I AM TRANSFORMED.

Wednesday, I craved more, so I prayed more and same result, craving just left my mind and stomach. Our prayer is about our bodies. From the verses that we’ve read, I learned that my body is God’s temple. I cried, tears of guilt for not taking good care of my body --- for all the bisyo I had in the past, for working too hard just for money, and for all the things I’ve done that only I and God know. My sinful body has been long dead. Third day, God told me that I AM REVIVED.

Thursday, I was still energetic. Weird, I told myself. This time, we prayed about our relationships. God made me appreciate my closeness with my family, God made me appreciate my friends more --- in fact, God gave me new set of friends whom I can really rely on to everything, I have Carrieh, Ellah, Elli and Randy. I also have Ian, Saraah, Laurice and a lot more. God is a great God, different kinds of people, for the different types of issues my life. But there’s also this part of me that I still don’t know how to fix – or maybe I knew but I can’t. Yet I know that God is on it. With Him, nothing is impossible. Fourth day, God told me that I AM FORGIVEN.

Friday, still weird because I didn’t feel hungry nor exhausted. I decided to not intake solid for the last 2 days of fasting. This time, we prayed about our time and talents. I remember what I told my Dgroup leader Saraah last year, that I will audition for the music ministry on 2014. I kept delaying my audition for some reasons. God made me realize that all that I have and all that I am is because of Him. God told me that my talent is from Him and for Him only. Now, am starting to practice for my audition this coming Saturday. Fifth day, God told me that I AM GIFTED.

Saturday was hard, lols. I started to become masungit, maybe because I was hungry. We prayed about our finances. I thanked God for my job. I was sorry for the times that I was not satisfied with my salary. I was so ungrateful, and was not a good servant. But God still let me have my job, not too stressful, and well-compensated. Sixth day, God told me that I AM BLESSED.

Now, this is me. I still have a lot to learn, and a lot to change. God still has a lot of tasks for me to accomplish. Sometimes I don’t understand His plan, sometimes my narrow understanding of things makes me ask why, but I trust His heart and I submit my whole life to Him.